By Tiawana Grant

“A voice for the silent. A home for the healing.”

🕊️ Reflection: The Moment of Awakening

There comes a moment in every woman’s life when the mirror doesn’t just show her reflection — it shows her truth.

She realizes she’s spent years trying to prove her worth to everyone but herself. She’s loved deeply, forgiven endlessly, and given completely — often to those who never noticed the quiet ache in her giving.

But one day, something inside shifts. The woman who used to chase peace begins to become peace.

She understands that love doesn’t mean losing herself to prove she’s worthy of being kept — it means standing rooted in the grace of who she already is.

This reflection is not about bitterness; it’s about awakening. It’s about learning that sometimes the most spiritual act of love is choosing yourself without guilt — because that is where healing begins — not from pride, but from purpose.

This is my story of letting go, choosing God, and discovering that self-love, when anchored in faith, is not selfish — it’s sacred.

💔 Letting Go of the “Pick-Me” Cycle

Growing up, many of us were taught that our value was tied to how men saw us.

We were told to be patient, polite, forgiving, and “understanding.”

To hold families together. To please, not protest. To nurture everyone but ourselves.

We learned to compete with other women for approval — not realizing we were reinforcing the very system that kept us undervalued.

But the truth is, you can’t win validation in a game that was never meant to honor your full self.

When a woman constantly seeks a man’s approval, she begins to disappear. Her laughter softens. Her opinions shrink. Her reflection grows dimmer — not because she lacks light, but because she’s been taught to dim it for others.

That’s not love. That’s loss.

❤️ I Am Not Addicted to Love — I Was Addicted to Pleasing

I used to believe that love meant never giving up, even when it hurt.

But love that destroys your peace is not love — it’s emotional dependency disguised as devotion.

My problem was never an addiction to love; it was an addiction to pleasing — to being the “good woman,” the “understanding woman,” the “he’ll realize my worth one day” woman.

But I’ve learned: when a man does not respect his marriage, his promises, or himself — my silence or suffering will not save him.

So I let go. Not out of anger, but out of maturity.

Because my life no longer revolves around making someone else happy.

I chose God.

I chose peace.

I chose me.

🌸 The Beauty of Healthy Selfishness

For a long time, I thought selfishness was sinful. But there’s a difference between being selfish and being self-respecting.

Healthy selfishness is choosing to honor the woman God made you to be — not the one others want you to become.

“I can love you deeply, but I refuse to disappear for you.”

It means resting when you need to rest.

Praying when you need clarity.

Walking away when peace becomes impossible.

It’s not about pride — it’s about stewardship.

God gave you a heart, mind, and soul to nurture.

You can’t fulfill your purpose if you’re constantly pouring from an empty vessel.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

— Proverbs 4:23

Protecting your heart is an act of worship — not weakness.

🤝 Rebuilding Sisterhood: From Competition to Connection

When women stop chasing male approval, something miraculous happens — we start seeing each other again.

No longer as threats, but as mirrors.

As sisters.

Instead of saying, “I’m not like other women,” we begin to say, “I’m proud to walk beside them.”

We celebrate one another’s wins.

We listen to each other’s pain.

We stand together — not because we’re perfect, but because we finally understand: there is room for all of us to shine.

Unity among women doesn’t mean turning against men.

It means healing the divide within ourselves — building circles of trust, compassion, and shared strength.

📚 Lessons from Psychology and Faith

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation.

Even science agrees that self-respect, boundaries, and spiritual renewal are vital for emotional well-being.

Listen & Learn: Expert Insights

Dr. Henry Cloud – “Necessary Endings” “When you let go of what’s not healthy, you make space for what is holy.” ▶ Watch on YouTube Dr. Jordan Peterson – “Stop Being a People Pleaser” “Saying no is not cruelty; it’s an act of moral courage.” Dr. Gabor Maté – “When Connection Becomes Addiction” “Love without self-awareness becomes a search for validation.” Dr. Ramani Durvasula – “Stop Overgiving: The Narcissism Trap” “Love shouldn’t hurt, deplete, or silence you.” Jay Shetty – “How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships” “The right person won’t require you to shrink to fit their comfort.” Dr. Noam Shpancer – “Are Women More Competitive with Each Other?” “Women often internalize a male model of value — and turn it inward on each other.”

🙏 Closing Reflection: Growth Is Not Retaliation

Growth is often misunderstood.

When you stop chasing, they say you’ve changed.

When you set boundaries, they say you’re bitter.

When you choose God and peace, they say you’ve become “distant.”

But what they don’t see is the quiet work — the nights of prayer, the tears of surrender, the courage it takes to say:

“My heart is not open for disrespect anymore.”

You’re not retaliating.

You’re recovering.

You’re reclaiming your joy, your worth, and your voice.

Maturity isn’t about being perfect — it’s about admitting where you once went wrong and setting matters straight with love and wisdom.

So today, I’m not chasing love.

I’m becoming it.

And in that becoming, I have found peace.